Gross Things Paramedics Do


#1

One of my friend’s facebook status earlier today said he did the nastiest thing of his life at work today. I know this guy has been working on an ambo for some time so I had to find out. I shot him a message and this is what he told me happened:

I just ran a call to the house of a 326 pound lady with a broken arm and she couldnt get her tampon out… My captin made me do it it was by far the most bruitly disgusting thing ive ever done in my life. I couldnt find the string so for a second i was just kinda willigling my finger around and she had an oragasim one like ive never seen before a whole buch of juices just came rushing out all at once discusting!!!

My God.

Does anyone here have any experience working as an EMT or in any type of hospital (I’m looking at you Funnage) and seen some equally as disturbing shit?


#2

thank you for making my night even worse


#3

i hope he double gloved it


#4

I just ran a call to the house of a 326 pound lady with a broken arm and she couldnt get her tampon out… My captin made me do it it was by far the most bruitly disgusting thing ive ever done in my life. I couldnt find the string so for a second i was just kinda willigling my finger around and she had an oragasim one like ive never seen before a whole buch of juices just came rushing out all at once discusting!!!
Does this guy spend a lot of time in poorly ventilated parking garages with the rig idling? If I ever get hurt in his neighborhood, I’m calling the homeboy ambulance service.

Bad scalp lacerations where they’ve kind of peeled their face off are never fun (wear your seatbelt), likewise the smell of burned flesh. I saw a guy who had his finger shot off at close range, but that was more interesting. The really disturbing stuff isn’t the gore, it’s the 13-year-old girls who get raped by their uncle or something.


#5

i learned last week that girls pee with their tampons still in. i was mind blown.


#6

One of the funniest situations was a large women who created a vacuum when she flushed the toilet and couldn’t get up. Her husband was frail and he had to call us to pull her loose. (The spacers on the bottom of the toilet seat were missing so there was no air gap.) It took two firefighters to pull her loose and it sounded like a cork popping when the seal broke! Fortunately, the only injury was her (and her husband’s) embarrassment.

One of the worst was a car wreck where a teenage girl was sitting on the console between the bucket seats. She was impaled on the stick shift. We had to cut the gear shift shaft to extricate her from the car. Unfortunately, she died from internal injuries.

Burned victims are always bad and the smell stays in your hair and clothes for a long time.

Injured children were always hardest for me. Not so much from a treatment perspective, but from a psychological standpoint for me afterward.


#7

Ew, urinated on tampon. Equally mindblown.


#8

Wait, seriously? Did you fail Sex Ed?


#9

I’ve found recently on the internet that a lot of guys don’t know how things work down there for girls.


#10

i was never really aware of this either. i never really stopped to think about it


#11

in 7th grade a friend and i were confused about how girls peed. we were very clear that women’s vaginas were simply there for reproduction purposes. Somehow we had missed that there is a urethra above that other pit.

we legitimately believed that women peed from their butts. it’s funny this is brought up now. i’m moving in with this guy in a week or so, and he and i pretty much didn’t talk for 4 years during HS.

we figured it out come health class time. but we were confused for a while.


#12

What, girls pee?


#13

They certainly don’t poop


#14

Well…

I was running paperwork for a therapist and I passed by a patient’s room to see a naked man brushing his teeth. No gown or nothing. Just standing in the middle of the room brushing his teeth naked. Well… Standing is the wrong word… for you see, this guy had a stroke and couldn’t use half his body, he was barely holding on to his walker. So, I immediately see this, toss my papers aside, and start holding him up and tried to convince him to sit down. He says he doesn’t want to because he pooped himself and needed to be cleaned… and that’s about when the smell hit me… He crapped his wheelchair and from the way I was holding him up (he had pusher syndrome, so he was fighting my actions and leaning into me more when I was trying to get him upright), I was getting my scrubs and shoes covered his crap. I don’t know how he managed to get his diaper and his gown off, but he did. I finally manage to get him sitting down and I managed to slip and fall on his crap spraining my wrist in the process.

Thankfully this was a few weeks after I had a patient vomit on me so I’ve been keeping an extra pair of scrubs & shoes under my desk. It was pretty disgusting.

Then there was that time where I had to help a patient use his standing urinal bottle. This patient needed 2 people to get him standing, because screw sitting and peeing, and I was helping out the therapist. He tells me to put his dong in the pee bottle. I look at the therapist as if to say “Did he just tell me to do that?” So I just held the pee bottle where I thought his penis was and he’s like “It’s not on it.” I glance down and noticed I couldn’t see his dick because this guy was rather large. I had to lift up his gut hanging over his penis and then go hunting for his penis.

That was my second week on the unit.

I can’t wait until I’m the therapist and I get to have my underlings go through all the stuff I went through.

Also not me, but one of my friends who is an EMT told me of a funny story where a midget in a S&M leather suit answered the door and lead him to a fat man choking on a ball in a sex swing. Apparently the fat guy got stuck and started having a panic attack in the swing causing him to partially swallow/gag on the ball and the midget could not get to the release.

That’s what he says anyway. It’s a bit too ridiculous story to be true.


#15

apparently the only part of the tampon that gets wet when a girl pees is the string.

yes, i also refuse to believe that girls poop because that is pretty gross to think about.


#16

wait, what… girls go to the bathroom to do other things beside to rate guys on the stall door and why does to always take more that one girl to go to the bathroom.


#17

ones that understand what this thread is about. The rest are very young kids (apparently middle schoolers)!


#18

how right you are:o


#19

There was a dementia patient on my unit who only spoke Polish. Except for the phrase “Please help me”. She would sit for hours just saying that over and over. This is funny because when I was treating her for therapy she’d break up the phrasing. I’d take a few steps with her “Please help” and a few more “me”. She had a nice rhythm between the saying and walking going. I was able to figure out when she was tired because the pacing was interrupted.


#20

The worst I’ve heard is when the paramedics had to “rescue” the guy who’d been stuck in his chair for 2+ years, essentially marinating in his own bodily wastes (posted on another thread here a couple months ago, but I’m too lazy to post link).